This Chevy Press Release is Written Entirely in Emoji

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Press releases can be straightforward with a minimal amount of information or they can be so complex you have to read them a half dozen times before they make sense. The most well-written fall somewhere in the middle. This one from Chevy is written in nothing but emojii and I honestly have no idea what it says.

Since tween girls tend to text almost exclusively in emojii I decided to ask for help from my two daughters who were happily playing Minecraft on their first day of summer vacation. They wandered downstairs, still in their pajamas at 10am, and stared at the screen.

They came up with a lovely story that had nothing to do with cars so I’m thinking even they have no idea what Chevy is selling. Tweens likely aren’t the target market for this one, so perhaps it’ll all work out for Chevy.

Think you can do better? Here’s the full press release:


All I got out of this was that the press release comes from Detroit, Michigan and it’s about a new car that chicks will love. It is being released with the hashtag #ChevyGoesEmoji and it’s all the mind-boggling work of Annaliza Bluhm. She at least signed her name in real letters that real people can read so we can all curse her name as we stare at her work.

This is likely all about the 2016 Chevy Cruze which should be unveiled later this week. After closer inspection, it appears this new car may be really good for holding lots of luggage, connecting multiple phones, and carrying bread, dresses, and high heels.

I triple dog dare someone to actually translate this thing into something resembling a real press release about a car. My head hurts to much to keep at it any longer. 🙁


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