Insurance.com is like Travelocity for car insurance. It recently published an exhaustive list of cars you’re most likely to be ticketed while driving, and with a handful of exceptions, it makes no sense whatsoever. It took a long time to figure out what most of these people were getting tickets for.
“Cars don’t get tickets, drivers do – but those drivers like the WRX,” according to Insurance.com Managing Editor Des Toups, which is totally going to be the name of the fancy wig store I’m going to open.
Anyway, Insurance.com says one in three drivers of the Subaru WRX has a recent traffic violation, which makes total sense, but considering every single idiot who cuts me off is driving a BMW, I call this entire list into question.
“The most-ticketed brand overall was Scion, with 27.5 percent of all owners reporting a traffic violation,” according to Insurance.com.
Insurance.com looked at data from 526 models and more than 557,000 recent customers. We sent our crack research team out to try and figure out what trouble these people were up to:
- Subaru WRX – 33.6% – Violation: Hoonery
- Pontiac GTO – 32.7% – Insurance.com’s rationale for no Corvettes being on this list was that only old people buy them. Your average GTO owner has worn out his AARP card on purchases of Metamucil alone. Violation: Operating Under the Influence of Ensure.
- Scion FR-S – 32.6% – Noise Violation for fart can exhaust and bass turned up so loud the license plate rattled.
- Toyota Supra– 30.8% – Environmental Violation for excessive use of Hi Karate. Also most likely to still have a Farrah Fawcett poster in the garage.
- Subaru Tribeca – 29.7% – Driving 38 miles with the left turn signal on.
- Volkswagen Rabbit – 29.6% – Parked in fire lane while camping out for the release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
- Mercury Topaz – 28.8% – Not only does the Topaz not exist, but the entire MERCURY BRAND went belly up five years ago. Mercury Topaz owners were most likely to be ticketed for dragging their entire exhaust system down the highway at 41 mph.
- Scion tC – 28.8% – Violations included applying makeup in the mirror while texting boyfriend.
- Toyota FJ Cruiser – 28.4% – Failure To Catch a Tasty Wave and a Cool Buzz, Bro.
- Mazda Mazda2 – 28.1% – Library violation for failing to return The Bell Jar in 1987.
- Hyundai Veloster – 28.1% – Driving To Annoy
- Volkswagen GTI – 28.1% – See above
- Suzuki Reno– 28.1% – I had to go on Wikipedia to figure out what in hell a Suzuki Reno even is. Turns out, it was the hotly-awaited replacement for the Daewoo Nubira. Most Reno owners were ticketed for leaving their car beside the road on fire with the jack handle smashed through the windshield, in a fit of impotent rage for having bought such a stupid car.
- Scion xA – 27.8% – Violation: 11 clowns inside with seatbelt provisions for four.
- Pontiac G8 – 27.7% – Smoky burnouts at every light. Makes total sense.
- MINI Cooper S Countryman – 27.5% – The only ticket a Countryman owner would get is for the Barenaked Ladies Reunion Tour.
- Mitsubishi 3000 GT – 27.4% – I haven’t seen one in the wild since Clinton was in office. Tickets must be solely limited to smog violations.
- Saturn Aura – 27.1% – The only way I can figure Saturn Aura drivers getting tickets is that 92 percent of them went direct to rental fleets, and drivers are getting pinched for illegal U-Turns trying to get back to the airport.
- Infiniti QX56/QX80 – 27.1% – Obstruction of Passing Lane.
- Toyota Prius C – 27.0% – Handicapped parking during Anti-GMO rally.