You can usually leave it to celebrities to pick out the weirdest names for their kids (“Pilot Inspecktor Lee,” we’re looking at your parents). But in this case, it was a couple with the surname Miller in Arkansas, who chose the name “Shelby Mustang GT500” for their son, thereby setting him off on a life of petty crime and cruise-night exiting havoc.
On February 2, 2018, Arkansas State Troopers pinched a 29-year-old Mountain Home, Arkansas man for a seat belt violation, which inevitably spiraled into a night in the pokey for failing to show proof of liability insurance, and driving on a suspended license.
The young man’s name:
This may come as a complete shock to our gentler readers, but this is NOT SHELBY MUSTANG GT500’s first offense.
The Smoking Gun reported that Shelby Mustang GT500 had been arrested in Iowa in 2014. That Shelby Mustang GT500 really gets around.
In the 2014 incident, the Des Moines Register reported: Miller, 26, went man0 y mano with patrons at the clearly appropriately named “Cheap Seats Sports Bar” in Des Moines. After departing the bar around 1 AM, he allegedly returned with a hatchet under his shirt. Cops arrested Shelby Mustang GT500 Miller for public intoxication, and for the hatchet under his shirt. He was received a probation violation charge.
It’s unclear in The Smoking Gun’s reporting if Shelby Mustang GT500 was given the middle name at birth, or whether it was tacked on later, like a set of those chrome portholes from the Pep Boys that you stick on your Nissan Altima decades after it left the showroom.
If you’re currently awaiting a bundle of joy and are in the name-choosing phase, allow us to offer a few suggestions that might lead to better outcomes:
Aston Martin Vanquish Miller – International Spy
Lancia Stratos Miller – Toreador
DeTomaso Mangusta Miller – Flamenco Guitarist
Hudson Hornet Miller – Hard-boiled Gumshoe
Panoz Esperante Miller – Antiques Roadshow Appraiser