Occasionally, you stumble on a Craigslist ad that is just pure perfection. Even leaving out the crazy contraption for sale, it’s glorious in its insane description, its lack of regard for the rules of grammar and syntax, and it’s ALL CAPS style.
Then there’s the vehicle for sale. It’s some home-built electric pedal car designed specifically to kill the rider:
It’s a pedal car, but it’s no kiddie toy. The seller claims that it can crank a 200 pound rider into a wheelie and carry him eight feet on the wheelie bars.
It’s best to let the seller describe it:
“IT IS ELICTRIC POWERED RUNING A TRACTOR REAR END CHAIN DRIVE WITH REAR DISC BRAKE RUNS A BIG BLOCK CHEVY STARTER FOR A MOTOR. HAS A MARINE FULL SIZE BATTERY INSTALLED”
If that mass of CAP-LOCKED, unpunctuated words has you confused, we’ll translate. It’s powered by a full-size marine battery, connected to a big block Chevrolet starter motor. Power transmits to a tractor rear end through a chain drive, and it has a disc brake in the rear.
The wheelie bars appear to be truck leaf springs, fitted with casters at the ends.
The highway pegs mounted up front keep your feet off the ground. If there was ever a vehicle that should be running a scatter shield, this is it. The only thing between the chain drive and your sensitive bits is a thin layer of vinyl on that tractor seat.
The headlights and taillights worked at one point, but in the process of applying the subtle finish, grounds were painted over and the lights aren’t currently working.
Beneath the 1960s pedal car bodywork are air-filled slicks mounted on mag wheels for maximum wheelie potential.
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There’s a dire warning at the end of the ad, in case you didn’t miss the “ADULT’S ONLY” in the headline:
“AGAIN THIS IS NOT A KIDS TOY “BUY AT YOUR OWN RISK” CAR WAS BUILT FOR ADULTS WITH NO FEAR OF DEATH!”
That sentiment is punctuated by the death’s heads stenciled on the paintwork:
The price? A mere $1,500, which is going to look like chump change when you get your bill from the orthopedic surgeon after collapsing four or five vertebrae.
Seller claims to be interested in trades: “maybe trade for old school small or short van, bus, ice cream truck etc.”
The man has discerning tastes.